Cute Animals. Bad Dates.

These are actual quotes taken from online dating profiles and Craigslist personal ads. Brought to you by cute animals, because that makes everything that much better.
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Dude. Breathe. This isn’t twitter. You’re not going to run into character limits if you use a period every once in a while. 

It’s “if Star Wars WERE real,” Darth Puppy.
The subjunctive: learn it, use it, love it.
ETA: The subjunctive isn’t about singular vs plural. Read the explanation at the link, please. 

It’s “if Star Wars WERE real,” Darth Puppy.

The subjunctive: learn it, use it, love it.

ETA: The subjunctive isn’t about singular vs plural. Read the explanation at the link, please. 

Ok, so technically these didn’t all appear right in a row on this dude’s profile, but I never promised to put everything in context. 

I’m thinking third base, at least. Whatever third base means. 

I’m thinking third base, at least. Whatever third base means. 

IT DOESN’T END WHEN WILL IT END OMG THE HORROR WTF IS GOING ON WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME????????
(however: points for appropriate use of an apostrophe. I have to admit I wasn’t expecting that)
Also: 300 followers! Yay people! 

IT DOESN’T END WHEN WILL IT END OMG THE HORROR WTF IS GOING ON WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME????????

(however: points for appropriate use of an apostrophe. I have to admit I wasn’t expecting that)

Also: 300 followers! Yay people! 

HORSES. And also, HORSES. And you know what else? HORSES. 

HORSES. And also, HORSES. And you know what else? HORSES. 

Cause I’m a puffer fish! Get it? Hahahaha! 

…Hello?

…Is this thing on?

After the heatwave 90 percent of us have been dealing with the past week, this actually sounds like a really good idea.
(Sarah M. sent in this submission from an OKC profile. Brrr, and thanks!)

After the heatwave 90 percent of us have been dealing with the past week, this actually sounds like a really good idea.

(Sarah M. sent in this submission from an OKC profile. Brrr, and thanks!)