Cute Animals. Bad Dates.

These are actual quotes taken from online dating profiles and Craigslist personal ads. Brought to you by cute animals, because that makes everything that much better.
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So the first thing I need to know is your last name! So I know if it sounds good with Jayden Kristoffer and Aliviya Joelle! 

So the first thing I need to know is your last name! So I know if it sounds good with Jayden Kristoffer and Aliviya Joelle! 

This raises so many questions, not the least of which being, does butter not fall under the “food” category? 

*This picture was tagged “hamster” by someone who says it is her hamster and her cat. Regardless, having once been called out by That is Not a Hamster, I make no claims as to whether or not that is actually a hamster in said image. It looks kind of like a gerbil to me, frankly. 

This turtle, if self-defeating, is also unusually self-aware for someone with an OKCupid profile. 

"Other than my total lack of being interested in anything at all, I’m really a fascinating person. You should totally date me."

No one ever suspected Buster in the rash of nursing-home deaths that followed every Therapaws session. 

No one ever suspected Buster in the rash of nursing-home deaths that followed every Therapaws session. 

RIGHT? I MEAN, RIGHT? YOU COULD BET MONEY ON THAT AND TAKE IT TO THE BANK. 

RIGHT? I MEAN, RIGHT? YOU COULD BET MONEY ON THAT AND TAKE IT TO THE BANK. 

Hahahahah! Isn’t that AWESOME?  

If I’d had access to a good picture of Alex the Assassin Cat, I think that would have been appropriate as well. Alas, Alex is too stealthy