Cute Animals. Bad Dates.

These are actual quotes taken from online dating profiles and Craigslist personal ads. Brought to you by cute animals, because that makes everything that much better.
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It’s an indication of how far my standards have fallen that I’m just impressed he didn’t spell it “Satin.”

It’s an indication of how far my standards have fallen that I’m just impressed he didn’t spell it “Satin.”

Next!

Next!

Right, so either you’re into domination, or you were knighted by the Queen of England. In which case, you should really take another look at the rules of capitalization. 

Right, so either you’re into domination, or you were knighted by the Queen of England. In which case, you should really take another look at the rules of capitalization. 

Ok, I will enlighten you. When you say “None of the women on here can be honest with themselves or anyone else,” and complain about being ignored because you are a “good man,” that is not “speaking honestly.” That’s being a dick.

Ok, I will enlighten you. When you say “None of the women on here can be honest with themselves or anyone else,” and complain about being ignored because you are a “good man,” that is not “speaking honestly.” That’s being a dick.

Not sure what is more alarming: the actual fedora, or the self-consciously precious use of “‘tis.” 

Not sure what is more alarming: the actual fedora, or the self-consciously precious use of “‘tis.” 

Oh, is THAT what swimming teachers do?

Thanks for your kind offer. I respectfully decline. 

Dudes who judge women on their percentage of essential and storage body fat are dicks. Can’t even joke about it.