Cute Animals. Bad Dates.

These are actual quotes taken from online dating profiles and Craigslist personal ads. Brought to you by cute animals, because that makes everything that much better.
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I’m not sure what these means, honestly, but thanks for the submission, fairkid-forever! 

I’m not sure what these means, honestly, but thanks for the submission, fairkid-forever

my self, can be described as one which is one who will never answer your message. 

Finally getting around to posting some more submissions — if you’ve submitted, thanks for your patience!

This winner was sent in by venomouspenguin. I’m not sure what the goal is with this greeting, but I m sure it’s obnoxious. 

I don’t even know what this means, but I’m guessing “hipster douche” is part of the explanation. 
Happy Halloween! 

I don’t even know what this means, but I’m guessing “hipster douche” is part of the explanation. 

Happy Halloween! 

I don’t know what a “Samhain renaissance” is but it sounds good so I’ll put it on my dating profile with this awesome picture of me in a top hat. You don’t think that’s too pretentious, do you? 

I have the sentence structure of Google translate. 

I have the sentence structure of Google translate. 

I hate it when muffles find my ear. It gets so itchy. 

(Text of a message received via OKC)

It’s just that when grooming, some well-rounded areas a little more difficult to reach than others. 

It’s just that when grooming, some well-rounded areas a little more difficult to reach than others.